How to deal when you hate grocery shopping, OR, my one month meal plan and grocery list!

Ok, so, I *seriously* dislike grocery shopping.  To the point that I will poke around in the pantry and try to figure out if I can make something with dried black eyed peas and grape jam rather than get off my behind and head to the soul-sucking experience that is *shudder* grocery shopping.  If I didn't have children to feed(and an incredibly strict budget)I wouldn't even go to the grocery store.  It would be all restaurants, all the time.  However, if there's one thing I hate more than grocery shopping, it's getting my kids loaded into the car, so doing that for at least 3 extra trips, just to eat, is enough to convince me that grocery shopping is the way to go.  So, for everyone that hates it as much as I do, I have written up a ONE MONTH meal plan and grocery list!  Now, this may not work for you, but it's just a guideline.  Also, if you have a chest freezer(you lucky son of a gun), then you can stock up on more meat, milk, cheese, bread, etc.  Also, you can do this VERY cheaply if you don't have any type of food restrictions.  I can't have gluten. Period. dealbreaker because I don't like damage being done to my intestines and autoimmune disease sucks pretty hard anyhow.  It's all 'real' food(I hate that term....I mean....food...it's food...like, I don't eat imaginary cheetos, they are real cheetos), and my picky eater kids will eat most of it.  Also, this plan is based on a family of 6(because there needs to be leftovers to send with cranky pirate for lunch)BIG eaters. Four average eaters at your house? You could cut all of this down by half, easily! Now, I should add the disclaimer that if you don't have a deep freezer, you will probably need to schlep back to the store at some point, for a gallon of milk or something like that.  Or, if you have kids like mine, all of the sudden, they will decide they need to eat ALL.THE.BANANAS. All of them, and you will need to hit up the store for whatever fruit and veg they have cleared you out of.

Breakfast and Lunch are *not* included on the calendar because I keep those options pretty limited to stay on a budget and keep the chaos to a minimum.  
Breakfast choices are as follows: Oatmeal(either hot oatmeal packets or refrigerator oatmeal from this site), slow cooker oatmeal, gluten free toast with chocolate peanut butter, gluten free toast or corn tortillas with fried eggs, gluten free banana bread, or a random smoothie or chia pudding.  
Lunch is fairly easy as well.  I always keep lunch vegetarian to save money. Monday through Friday, Little Valkyrie goes to school and takes a lunch, which is always a chocolate pb sandwich, fruit, yogurt, and a drink.  Two days a week, Little Viking does to mothers day out, and his lunch is always a chocolate pb sandwich, an apple, gluten free homemade cinnamon sugar baked tortilla strips, chocolate pb for dipping, and juice or water.  Easy peasy.  The rest of the week it is simple, vegetarian options, such a grilled cheese sandwiches with soup, pizza soup with cheesy dunkers, err....basically, it's either some kind of vegetarian soup with gluten free cheesy bread/sandwich, leftovers, or 'breakfast' foods, like pancakes and eggs. Snacks are kept to a minimum, and the ONLY snacks on offer are fruit, vegetables, and yogurt.  I will grab things like fruit cups and applesauce if they are on sale and I have a coupon to help stretch foods out toward the end of the month.

Here is my one month dinner plan
AND
Here is the grocery list to go along with it!
So, PHEW!  There it is!!  I hope it's helpful for y'all, and maybe can help you avoid the store, while also saving maybe a bit of money!!  

Much Love, 

Mama Viking

Why you're a good mom....especially if you think you've got it ALL wrong!

Maybe you're pregnant with your first child.

Me and my beloved coffee

Maybe you're a mom of "only" one or two

children.  You might be a weary mom who

has fallen pregnant unexpectedly.  You may

be a burnt out mom of many children.  Well, 

here's some news for all of you.  You're doing 

something right!  Being a mom is hard.  It's 

incredible, yes.  It's amazing and miraculous and can make you feel wonderful things that you never thought possible.  You will love another person SO much more than you ever thought you could.  Motherhood is also brutal. It will break your heart a million times over with the reality of it all.  It is hard.  It is exhausting. You will find yourself pulled and challenged and dragged in all ways you never thought possible either.  Most people don't talk about any of the negatives(aside from lack of sleep or maybe the lack of intimacy after baby arrives), because they fear that admitting certain things may make them a 'bad' mom.  Nope.  It makes you human, which works out, since you gave birth to humans and so they need a decent human mom.  Sometimes, being a good mom will force you to give up certain things you never thought about, like the idea of what you thought your relationship with your children would look like. When I was 22, I fell pregnant with Little Valkyrie.  I had NO idea what the heck to think or expect or feel.  I figured that life would pretty much continue as usual, with a kid in tow.  Throughout the pregnancy, I heard about maternal instinct and how much women bonded with their unborn babies.  I never felt that way.  There was no wonderful kicking when I would poke my tummy.  She would stop moving every time I touched my bump.  I worried that something was wrong, but also worried that having a baby was a HUGE mistake.  Little Valkyrie would happily kick and roll anytime Cranky Pirate touched my bump.  Once she was born, She would scream when I tried to hold her or nurse her.  If her dad was in the house, she would scream until he held her, then she would happily eat and sleep for amazingly long stretches.  I thought that at some point, things would kick in and I would feel this overwhelming adoration and love for her.  However, she constantly made it clear that, even though I was her mother, that I carried and gave birth to her, that something in our personalities, made that gushy, overwhelming type of love something that was never going to be. I do love Little Valkyrie. Very much.  However, she shut herself off to me, preferring her father, grandmothers and aunt for comfort and bonding.  When I was pregnant with Little Viking, I was worried about the same thing happening.  Fast forward through a stressful pregnancy, and I thought it was happening all over again. Then I eventually realized that it wasn't me.  He simply didn't like to be rocked or cuddled. Of course, now I know that he's autistic, so it explains so much of the odd things that happened when he was a baby.  Add in to that the fact that he spend much of his first 6 months quite 6.  I shortly absolutely fell head over smooshy heels in love with my baby boy.  All of the maternal things I'd heard about were finally starting to kick in, even with my postpartum depression.  By the time he was 3 months old, I'd returned to work, and everything settled into a routine.  Little Valkyrie preferred to spend all her free time with grandparents and while things were hectic, it worked. The house was no longer perfectly clean and plans got disrupted all the time. It wasn't perfect but it was wonderful.  Then, when Little Viking was 2 1/2, I fell pregnant with Little Birdie.  I freaked out.  I remember standing by Little Viking's crib one night early in my pregnancy thinking "what the hell have I done?!  I can't have another baby!  I just can't do this"!  I really felt that way.  I wasn't happy to be pregnant.  I was distraught.  At that point I didn't know Little Viking was autistic.  We didn't find that out until Baby Birdie was 15 months old!  Here I was, newly homeschooling Little Valkyrie, trying to send Little Viking to mother's day out 2 days a week to get a break, and now I was pregnant with a NEW kid when I couldn't even handle the two I had!  How in the hell was THAT going to work out.  Add in to that the traumatic labor and delivery with Little Valkyrie, and the horrible pregnancy I had with Little Viking and I was terrified of how crappy this time around would be, if I even managed to carry the pregnancy(I don't count losses in my pregnancy #s...it's too depressing). I had a hard time finding a care provider and didn't actually a permanent care provider until 20 weeks.  In fact, my first appointment with my midwives was a 20 week ultrasound...where I was referred out for a level two ultrasound to recheck Baby Birdie's heart and get more measurements.  I was already feeling bummed and uncertain and detached.  That news sent me into a massive panic!  What if my baby had a heart defect?  How could I handle a sick baby? or a special needs baby? I really just kind of shut down at that point.  I didn't enjoy being pregnant.  It's VERY hard on me physically.  I can't walk by the end, nor can I drive due to episodes I have while heavily pregnant.  So there I was.  At the level two ultrasound, and the follow up with my midwives, they assured me that everything looked good and the baby looked very healthy.  They were wonderful and very hands off.  At nearly 41 weeks I had my Baby Birdie.  The very second I laid her on my chest, I just looked at her and thought "oh.my.God!  this is is.  THIS is what moms talk about."!  I was absolutely smitten with her, when I was worried that it just wouldn't be possible.  Which wasn't just healing for me, but for everyone. Little Valkyrie and Little Viking love her.  Little Viking calls her "his baby".  He helps her get dressed, and she goes to all of his therapy appointments with him.  I love all of my children more than anything.  Liking them? That's another story. Do I enjoy them? absolutely!  Do I regret having them? absolutely not! Are there some I'm looking forward to going off to college more than others? Oh yeah.  And, I always feel like a huge hypocrite when pregnant...all of the sudden, the kids are living on mac n cheese and cereal while I lay very still and try not to throw up everywhere.  After I give birth, we move on to stouffer's casseroles while I try to feed people and not sacrifice any extra sleep that may afford me.  Right now, as I type this, I have the flu. I've been sick since last Friday.  Everyone decided to spread the love around and Mama Viking caught it last.  We're eating off of paper plates, and I have styrofoam coffee cups.  I also have a sink full of dishes, piles of laundry, and JUST got the Christmas tree up!  I have no wrapping up finished and my kids have been living off of mac n cheese, cereal, peanut butter toast and takeout. And I wouldn't trade it for anything.  I love them.  I love the chaos.  I'd like a clean kitchen, but I know that's not the most important thing.  Sometimes it's just about putting out the fires as they pop up, and then going from there.  Because, no matter what it looks like, or how odd it may seem from the outside, I do love my children more than anything.  More than I thought I ever could, more that ever thought possible, and enough to let go of what I want, to embrace a relationship that works for all of us.  The perfect house, with the perfect decor, that is perfectly clean, with perfect pictures to put on facebook doesn't equal love. Love is about getting your tired butt out of bed and doing things for your children that you know they will appreciate, or trying to make sure you have their favorite peanut butter, or going to activities with them(even though it does your head it). It's about your intentions and actions. Not some fake perfect only on facebook existence.  So, dear mama's, cut yourselves some slack.  We ALL deserve that!

Much Love, 
Mama Viking

It's the most wonderful time of the year, except when it isn't

Ah, the holiday season.  It's supposed to be a wonderful, magical time with twinkling lights, family, parties, good food, Santa, Church events, and so on.  Good times to be had by all.  However, there are many families that just can't get into the holiday spirit.  Moms who, in their hearts, are grieving the spot at the table that should be occcupied by a newborn babe, a rambunctious toddler, a precocious preschooler....that doesn't stop.  Every year gives them pause to think about their baby, their child, what that child would be doing, what might they be like?  Families hurt silently, because no one talks about this.  About miscarriage. About stillbirth.  About SIDS or SUCD(the 'older kid' version of SIDS).  About how time goes on in an almost cruel manner. The days keep coming and going, and you still have to wake up and take care of things, but a piece of you is forever anchored to the day you lost your child.  Part of you can't move forward.  Everything is now divided and defined by life BD and AD(before death and after death).  The holidays can bring devastating reminders of just exactly what you're missing out on.  People become awkward and uncomfortable around you and offer up such gems as "Well, God won't give you more than you can handle", "God has wonderful plans for you", "oh, it's ok, I understand(word to the wise....don't say this!), or(my LEAST favorite) "at least it happened NOW, and not ______(insert arbitrary date at which the death of your child is apparently easier)!!! So, as a service to everyone ahead of the busyness of the season, here are some things you can do and say for families that are coping with loss and grieving through the season.

Things you can do:

• Offer to take them meals
• Offer to do holiday shopping
• Offer to go pick up any 'direct-to-store' items for them
• Offer to help with the clearing away
• Ask if they need any specific help, then PLEASE follow through

Things NOT to do:

• Put away their deceased child's belongings, or, in the case of miscarriage/stillbirth, put away or ask to have anything they purchased for the baby.
• Get terse with them when they excuse themselves from holiday functions.

Things to say:

• I'm sorry.
• I don't know what to say.
• I'm here if you need me(but be able to back that up).
• Would you like to talk about your baby(or, even better, use their child's name if you know it).
• If you've had a loss yourself, then you can ask if they would like to meet up for coffee and talk, or if they would like info about support groups and such.  
• Remember, their child was a person, no matter how young their child was, they will always feel the ache of that loss.  Don't refer to their baby as 'it'.  The worst thing is thinking that your baby didn't matter to anyone.  Please, address their child by name.  They may cry.  Be compassionate enough to understand why, and console them.  Let them know that you value their child, no matter how brief their life was.  It's so cruelly unfair to lose a child....and then it feels like you get dealt another blow when people refuse to acknowledge your child.  

Things NOT.TO.EVER.SAY!  EVER!

• Well, it was just God's will(throat punch)!
• God has great plans for you....and continuing on through the verse(kidney punch)!
• God won't give you more than you can handle(temple stab)!
• Well, at least it happened now, and not when they were_____(I'll rip your heart out for saying this because there is never an age at which it is easy for a mother to lose her baby)!
• In fact, aside from praying for God to give them peace and the ability to endure this tragedy, leave the God 'sayings' out of it.  I don't think of God that way.  God is my father, my creator.  He is not a celestial bubblegum machine that you put a quarter into and then get your wish.  He's not some magical man in the sky that wanders around granting desires for some, while cruelly snatching things away from those that are the most deserving.  Like any parent, God loves us.  Unconditionally, regardless of our bad behavior. He will lift us up from our suffering, and rejoice in our happiness.  I'm not a great mom, but I love my children more than anything.  I would never LET them get hurt, but they have gotten hurt with me sitting right there with them, because I can't prevent life from happening and I can't protect them from everything, no matter how hard I try.  God would never let one of his children be hurt, but we can't be protected from everything, especially how frail and fleeting life can actually be.  
• So, at least you know you can HAVE children/when will you be trying again/are you having this baby to 'replace' the one you lost?  There are so many things wrong with all of those, that , suffice to say, the death stare is the nicest thing you'll get!

Also, there are many families that are struggling or mourning with a completely empty table.  They are struggling with infertility and the holidays can be impossibly hard for them as well. Do not tell them you are jealous, or how much fun it must be without children.  The would gladly take your chaos, your minivan, and your permanently stained yoga pants for the chance to hear a child call them 'mommy'.  Also, the pull for a biological child is amazing...the biological clock is a crazy thing.  Don't fault someone for wanting biological children or being hesistant about adoption(especially when adoption can cost crazy money....and the biological parents can back out leaving parents heartbroken). Also, for some, adoption makes itself available in a way that they decide to forgo fertility treatments in favor of adoption.  Do NOT fault them for deciding that they don't need to pass on their DNA and would prefer to adopt!

I know this wasn't a particularly 'fun' post. It's not a fun subject.  But this does need to be talked about.  The holidays can be a constant reminder of what some people are missing out on, whether it's a caring family, friends, and even a child.  We're all fighting, we're all struggling, but we're all in this together.  So, if you're out, and you see a woman struggling to keep it together(or anyone for that matter)offer them a kind word or a cup of coffee.  Little things really are huge and can make a big difference for EVERYONE.  That's what the holidays are really all about!  

Much Love, 

Mama Viking

Hello Fatness, My name is Jaime, and it's time to....

Ugh...When did THAT happen?!

Serve you your damn eviction notice.  That's right!!  Here's your walking papers now get the heck outta mah life!  Ugh...if only it were that easy!  I SO wish it was.  Let me give a little back story.  I gained a LOT of weight with each of my three successful pregnancies.  Due to several complications with the first two, I was unable to successfully breastfeed.  So, I was able to do some hard core dieting(yes, very unhealthy, I KNOW!!) and get back to a comfortable weight quickly.  I also have a horrible habit of turning to food for comfort...like food gives a crap about me! Everyone ALWAYS said that breastfeeding was like a workout in and of itself.  It burns calories, they said.  Well, I didn't realize, until breastfeeding WORKED with Birdie(HUZZAH!! TURNING CARTWHEELS EXCITED!!) that, for SOME women, yeah, it encourages that extra padding to stick around and then some.  I lost all the weight I gained by 2 months.  We finally got the hang of breastfeeding at 3 months.  Birdie is NOW 13 months old and I'm heavier than I've ever been!! :(  I'm honestly miserable and ashamed that I've let myself get to this point.  How can I teach my children about being fit and healthy when I've obviously let that all slide.  This past year, rocking the mostly single mom gig, coping with a new baby, and dealing with getting my older children's issues dealt with have meant lots of comfort eating and convenience food.  Here's the kicker.  I was also recently diagnosed with celiac disease.  I have GOT to get my stuff straight!  I'm done.  My daughter wants to participate in a triathlon.  So do I.  I want to look and FEEL like those super strong crossfit women.  I have been there before and KNOW how uh-mazing it feels.  So, Fat, it's been stupid, and now it's time to say goodbye!!

Buh-Bye Fatness meal plan
Brekkie:
Grain free muffins with Almond butter
Bacon and Egg cups
Paleo breakfast casserole

Lunch:
Leftovers, Meat and Veg Stir fry with cauliflower rice, greek yogurt with berries and a sweet potato with meat and cranberries.

Dinner:
crockpot bbq chicken
pot roast
pulled pork
crockpot beef stew
crockpot mongolian beef
fajita bowls
pork apple stir fry

My workout plan for the week:

There are SEVERAL mini workouts on pinterest.  I will be doing a new one every day, that I will post on facebook!!  Join me if you feel so inclined. Or, just keep up to watch me looking about as graceful as a baby giraffe while trying to accomplish this!

In My Weakness, He Is Strong,
Mama Viking

Weekly Meal Plan 2/26-3/4

Ok, so, I just have to say that I honestly HATE meal planning! Yup! I said it!  It feels like a big ol' necessary evil to me and, honestly, I've slacked off in this area a bit.  And, by slacked off, I mean I schlep all three kids to the closest store and just toss stuff into the buggy and hope for the best...then end up eating take out several times during the week.  Our budget(and my waistline!!)has suffered GREATLY for this. However, right now we're also in a period of transition.  I'm trying to sort out what type of nutritional intervention or plan I want Little Viking on.  Also, I'm trying to sort out everyone's food intolerances, while keeping within our budget.  For now, it's just mostly getting back in the habit of planning, whilst thinking ahead to what I want our diet to look like as well I where I want to be, fitness wise.  To that, I would like to add, I used to be a cross country runner in addition to playing volleyball, basketball and cycling.  So, I know what my body has the potential to do.  However, I have a fitness level of the average couch potato now, which is completely depressing.  I've hit a weight that I didn't know existed(It certainly never existed in my world!) and I'm absolutely appalled by it.  So, it's time to do something about it!!  Every week, in addition to meal plans, I'll also be sharing my fitness goals for the week.  They may seem VERY meager to some, but I'm starting out from literally NO activity!  I've gotten VERY lazy and am having to build myself back up and go slowly so as not to compromise my milk supply.  I have got to get in shape and drop the weight, but I also have to ensure my baby's health so it may make my road a little longer(all the better for a run, yes?)!  So, lets get on with it, shall we?  

Meal Plan for Tuesday 2/26-Monday 3/4
breakfast
Easiest meal of the day! We usually eat either bacon and eggs with smoothies, granola or paleo muffins and yogurt. I also keep buckwheat blueberry waffles and oatmeal on hand for quick breakfasts for the kids.
lunch
Cranky Pirate takes leftovers from supper or a 'snacky' lunch with whatever he grabs from the fridge and pantry.  An example would be a few hard boiled eggs, some string cheese, an apple, a packet of almonds and a can of tuna.  
Little Valkyrie takes her lunch to school daily and she likes to take either soup or a snacky lunch as well.  It's always either soup with a piece of fruit, beef jerky and string cheese with water to drink OR a granola bar, applesauce, string cheese, trail mix and whatever else she can grab out of the pantry.
Little Viking and I are left to 'fend' for ourselves during the day! :)  We are easy to please, however and usually just share a bowl of borracho beans with gluten free muffins or cornbread or a big salad.  Some days, I'll just cut up some meat, cheese, fruit, veg and olives and we'll snack our way through lunch as well.
Dinner
UGH!  It's so first world, but seriously, I have so many days where I just wish that I could afford a personal chef or to eat out every night, because by the end of the day I'm over it.  So, I'm making it a goal to use the crock pot more so that, when I hit that point that I'm so tired I'm NOT cooking, BAM! Dinner's already done!
2/26-crockpot chili with gluten free cornbread
2/27-pot roast(super easy in the crockpot!)
2/28-BREKKIE!(I LOVE having breakfast for dinnner!)
3/1-orange beef with riced cauliflower, stir fry veg, and veg lo mein(made with glucomannan noodles)
3/2-Pulled Pork with corn tortillas, borracho beans and riced cauliflower
3/3-Migas
3/4-BREKKIE!

There!  That's out of the way! :)  Now on to my fitness goals!  I'm starting out from sub negative couch potato levels, so I feel like at this point, anything is better than what I'm doing.  so the goals are:
-Walk EVERY day.  Even if it's only around the block(hopefully I can find a stroller the baby likes and and decent bike for Little Viking and we can sort out longer walks!). Just something intentional that gets me in that 'exercise' frame of mind.  
-Stretch EVERY day.  I've got to get back in the habit.  It only takes 10 minutes so why not!  
Also, I'm looking up some 'at home' workouts on pinterest.  Things that are quick, 15 minutes or so, to get me headed in the right direction.  Ultimately, I've got to get back into triathlon shape.  Seriously.  Whatever I have to do to get there, I'm going to do.  This size and this weight is just ridiculous and I can't believe I let myself get this out of shape.  So, onward! :)  See y'all tomorrow!

In my weakness, He is strong

Mama Viking

Planning Time!

Wow! Where has the year gone? I'm not talking about the calendar year, however!  I'm talking about the first year of my precious baby Birdie's lide.  I can't believe my baby is fast approaching the one year mark!  It is such a joyous, yet bittersweet, occasion.  Cranky Pirate is pretty set on Birdie being the grand finale....I however am not so certain.  However, that's another story for another day.  I'm here now to sort out planning!! Along with Birdie's big day,  I also have to plan for St.Patricks Day and Easter!  So,  over the next few Mondays, I will be sharing my party and holiday planning adventures with you (along with my crazy rollercoaster emotions about this possibly being the last first birthday party I ever have)!  I'm still working on switching formats and prettying things up for y'all!  It's very slow going right now with three sick kiddos...and a sick mama!  See y'all tomorrow with a meal plan, as well as fitness goals andmaybe a recipe hack! 

In my weakness, He is strong!

Mama Viking

(Not So)Wordless Wednesday! Welcoming Lent!

Ah, Lent!!  I'm so excited for this time of year. I say it EVERY year(and this is my third year of welcoming Lent via my blog) but I am STILL so thankful for another reverent, Holy time in which people very intentionally come together to acknowledge the birth and death of Jesus Christ.  So, without further ado, here is my Lent list for the current season as well as resources from others celebrating Lent.

Now, for the record, I give a LOT of thought and prayer to Lent.  It is supposed to be a sacrifice...it's SUPPOSED to hurt! To encourage you to deny physical cravings, get past your false idols and to turn to God.  Prayer and fasting, clinging to God with everything you have and submitting your will to Him!  I pray, a LOT, to sort out what lessons I'm supposed to learn and what I have to do in order to prepare myself for the path God has set for me to travel.  I always look forward to the focus and contemplation and prayer and quietness and revelry of the entire season.  This year, as with years past, I will be 'giving up' several things, because I always tend to get caught up in the materialistic and I have to separate my wants from my needs and also, because I need to come to a place where I am completely humbled so that I might be grateful for everything I have and to learn and be reminded of how to be a good steward of ALL that God has blessed me with!  Now that that explanation is out of the way, here is 'The List' for Lent 2013!

1)PALEO diet!!  Yes, that's right! Paleo for Lent.  I was planning on following the autoimmune protocol or sugar detox, however, after discussing it with some more 'seasoned' paleo peeps, I worry that the more extreme restriction would affect my milk supply, and would be too much on my system while breastfeeding.  
2)I will not be purchasing anything new. Let me clarify because I can already hear the "wait, what?!". Obviously, some things have to be traditionally purchased from a store...I'm going to buy toilet paper and such and obviously New Underwear goes without saying! However, if I can borrow something that is my top option. After that, I feel like purchasing from a resale or thrift shop is the next best option.
3)I will engage in daily exercise. This is a routine I have fallen out of, and I'm paying DEARLY for it! I want to do the Norseman Xtreme Triathlon in 2 years time. Therefore, in order to accomplish my goals AND be a better steward of the body God has given me, Its time to get off my behind!!
4)I will limit my time online to 14 hours per week.  This may seem like quite a bit to some people, but since I have an online business and this blog, That is actually quite a small amount.  It will be limited to one hour in the morning before my children get up, and one hour in the evening.
5)I will have 3 no money days a week! In an effort to curb unneccesary spending there will be 3 days a week in which no money can be spent. This includes something as simple as change for a soda machine.
6)I am working on my self-care/hygeine routine. Not giving in to vanity, but focusing on presenting an image that glorifies God, blue hair and all! :D
7)Getting back into the routine of Giving to charity and church.
8)I will engage in Daily Prayer. Real Prayer, not 'oh God, if this traffic doesn't clear up I'm gonna kill someone!'
9)I will make a point to spend special alone time with each kid every day.
10)I will be purging my house of unneccesary clutter! My goal is to take at least 20 FULL industrial sized garbage bags worth of items to goodwill or friends garage sales.
11)I will stop speaking negatively. I will watch my tongue and not let negative words or harsh tones come out of my mouth. Moods and attitudes are contagious, and I don't want to pass negativaty along!
12)I will only use reuseable grocery bags! No more plastic bags!
13)To REALLY try to separate myself from 'keeping up appearances', I'll be doing a little modesty 'challenge'.  Making a point to cover my hair when out and about, as well as keeping covered from collarbone to elbows to knees.  


WHEW!! What a list. I know. The point is to turn things around completely, bring my world to a screeching halt, burn off the fluff and come to what is really important! I hope you all will consider taking part in Lent in SOME form, whether its as simple as being more prayerful or just being nicer to your neighbors.


  As always, I really do this for me!  I need it and it helps me to focus on my relationship with God.  If you would like some other information You can check out THIS great post at Kitchen Stewardship!!  There is loads of information on everything from recipes to decorating to sacrifice and suffering.  Also, this post from Passionate Homemaking has 24 GREAT ideas on making Lent and Easter a complete family affair!  It also has links to even MORE resources!  I hope you all find some way to make Lent and Easter meaningful and reverent for your family! 

In My Weakness, He Is Strong

Mama Viking

Interrupting your normally scheduled Monday to share

Little Viking's Arrival Earthside

It's just not Saturday without my Little Viking

 MY normally scheduled, interrupted Saturday! Or, well, I should clarify. When you are the wife of a commercial diver, there IS no normal and there is definitely no schedule.  I try best as I can to keep a routine going for my kiddos, but sometimes it just all goes out the window.  I've talked occasionally about Little Viking's behavioral problems before, but haven't gone in to great detail.  Frankly, I could talk all day about it and still feel as though I haven't exhausted the depth and breadth of everything he struggles with.  It was suggested, and we are now in the process of, having him evaluated for Asperger's syndrome.  It's not the worst thing in the world, and I would, at this point, welcome the diagnosis so that we could start getting him the help that he needs to function socially.  I rarely take him to new places because it is incredibly stressful on him and me.  He reacts in ways that the general public just doesn't seem to understand.  He will scream or growl or throw things or just shut down.  Once he warms up or gets used to an environment, he's GREAT! Seriously, he's warm and sweet, although still a bit rambunctious.  However, those first few times....ugh.  I shudder as I type this, but sometimes I avoid new people and places because I am embarrassed of how he reacts.  Yup...I said it.  I get all insecure and embarrassed and so we just stay in our safe little bubble.  Typical first time trips or meetings end in tears on all sides.  Little Viking's main coping mechanism is throwing....everything.  He's very strong and can lift much more than someone would expect a 4 year old boy to be able to pick up.  Also, he doesn't get the whole 'personal space' thing, although I'm working with him on that.  He can be overly rough, and I also shudder and sit on pins and needles while waiting for something to get thrown, broken(or both), or for someone to get hit(hopefully not by something getting thrown at them)! I just can't relax and usually spend the entire time mentally calculating the size of the check i'm going to have to write by the end of the visit.  
     

Anywhoo, I've started rambling as I'm prone to do.  This past weekend, I knew that a friend of mine would be coming into town to visit a mutual friend.  She has a lovely daughter very close in age to my Baby Birdie, so we all planned to get together.  I wanted to see them all, and agreed, since Cranky Pirate was supposed to be in town and I had counted on him keeping Little Viking and Little Valkyrie so that I could just have a nice quiet visit and catch up, with only my nursling in tow.  Of course, since I actually made plans, things came up.  Work(which I am so VERY thankful for)came up for Cranky Pirate on Saturday morning so I had NO choice but to take all of the children along.  This in and of itself caused a massive amount of stress.  I was worried the visit would be a total disaster.  Well....there was bacon and eggs, so it wasn't a TOTAL disaster.  Little Valkyrie was her normal, charming self and everyone thought she was just wonderful.  Of course, she IS wonderful.  My Little Viking, however, bless his heart, was reacting much as I feared he would.  There was no stimming, which is HUGE, since this was a new environment and all new people.  However, soon there was screaming, throwing magnets onto the floor, invading personal space, banging things(like, ya know, a screwdriver on a bowl!), throwing things(to the tune of breaking a ceiling fan....how does that even happen?!), throwing the hosts sons toys over the fence, pulling up grass and dirt to throw at the other boys, and all out just going bat poo crazy.  Of course, Birdie had to get in on the mayhem and bop the other baby girl in the mouth.  Yeah....it was just, well, the hostess was lovely.  Seriously.  She was far more gracious about his behavior that I could have ever hoped for.  There was no judgement for the way he acted.  I was beyond mortified though.  Birdie nursed to sleep and I figured that was my cue to pack everyone up in the van and get the heck out of there.  I just wanted to get back home to my coffee, my jammies, and feed the kiddos and try as best I could to salvage the day since I still had grocery shopping to do.  I sent a quick text letting the hostess know that I would like her to let me know how much it would cost to fix the fan.  I'm used to this sort of thing and, obviously, feel that I should take care of such things.  She was even gracious in her response.  So, children, food and coffee in tow, we schlepped back to the house where I figured some quiet time was in order.

While laying in bed nursing Birdie and trying to get Little Viking to settle in, he asked if he could play a game on my phone.  I agreed, and set him up laying in bed with the baby and I, and decided to open up the ol' laptop and check my email and get some work done.  I decided to also pull up Facebook and check out the happenings.  And then I felt like the worst.mom.ever.  I saw a status update from Julie at The Progressive Parent.  It was one of those things that knocks the wind out of you and in one fell swoop burns through all the fluff so that you can see clearly all the things that truly matter.  Her son....her 14 month old son, had passed away.  Suddenly, Little Viking tossing grass and dirt onto another child, while certainly not ok, didn't seem to be such a huge deal anymore.  Because, to fling dirt and grass on another child, or swing a broom around, or anything else that he was doing, it means that he is alive.  That, for another day, he is mine and I'm blessed to call him as such.  No matter how difficult things are, or how long and exhausting the days may be, this little soul has been entrusted to me.  We'll navigate this together and figure it out, because we have to, because I want to, because he needs me to, and so long as I'm blessed to wake up and find him waiting for me at the foot of the bed ready for the day to begin, I'm going to try to make it a better day than the day before.  Every day.

In My Weakness, He Is Strong. 

Mama Viking

Today, I'm Thankful for...

My Bookends!

 My daughters. Well, actually, sisters!  I never had a sister, and, while growing up, always wished that I had a sister.  Now, I made do and had some pretty fab friends, but I never had a sister and definitely felt I was missing out on something.  Hearing stories of older sisters doing hair, or taking little sisters shopping for a dress.  Little Valkyrie and Birdie are about 8 1/2 years apart.  While they are growing up I really don't see them having any long periods of time where they want to play with similar toys or watch the same shows.  However, God willing, they will get to have those experiences that go much deeper.  The bond that good sisters share.  That is what I hope for them, and, I am so thankful that they will have the chance to experience it.

In my weakness, He is strong

Mama Viking

Wordless Wednesday

Breakfast of Champions!

Be Jealous! :) See y'all tomorrow!

It's SO good to be back! Also, giveaway winner announcement!

Ah, Love is in the Air!  What?  Coffee=Love!

Happy Monday, y'all! It's SO good to be back in the land of bloggy goodness and verbal dry heaving that is The Screaming Vikings.  Things are slowly but surely changing around here and will continue to change for the next few months.  I will be switching my blog over to WordPress eventually, but want to do it as seamlessly as possible, and make sure that everything is moved over before making the move 'official'.  However, I DO like to have some sort of routine and stability in general, so each day of the week will have a theme of sorts.  Monday will be 'prep' day.  Not in the traditional sense though.  The kind of preparation I'll be dealing with is any up coming holidays or birthdays.  It seems that I always leave the big preparations until the last minute and then find myself in a crazy rush.  So, for the time being, every Monday I'll discuss upcoming events and how to prepare for them, a bit at a time, so that there's no last minute crunch.  

Right now there are a few holidays coming up! First in line: Valentine's day!  We love Valentine's day around the Viking Homestead.  We love all holidays and, yes, I say they are all our favorite, but Valentine's day is definitely a fun day that we very much enjoy celebrating.  However, this year we have no big plans for the day.  Little Valkyrie will celebrate with a class party, so I will post on the goody bags that we are making, but otherwise, there is very little effort going into Valentine's day this year.  Also coming up: St. Patrick's Day.  Again, very fun, but we really aren't doing much for it.  Lent, Easter, and Birdie's first birthday are going to be HUGE deals around here, though! I will be posting my annual 'Lent List', along with Easter to-do's and the countdown to my baby's first birthday! 

Now, as promised, it's time to announce the giveaway winner! This giveaway is to celebrate getting back up and at 'em with the blog! The lucky winner, who will receive a huge gift basket full of wonderful Bath and Body works goodness is: Tone Keys!  Congrats, Tone!  For everyone who didn't win this time, please, recommend The Screaming Vikings to your friends on Facebook for the next giveaway.  

'In my weakness, He is strong'

Mama Viking

Thankful Thursday: A working computer! :P

Hurrah!! I'm back! Yes, after a partially intentional, partially technological break, I'm back to the internet and back to the bloggy world!  There's SO much that has gone on and is going on in the Viking household!  I'm so glad to be back to share it with all of you, and mostly so I can get back to the therapy of writing(verbally dry heaving)! Ah, it's so good to be back! :)

Going back: The birth stories of Little Viking and Little Valkyrie

My Little Viking! 

So, I've shared the birth story of Little Birdie.  Her birth was, by far, my most wonderful childbirth experience.  It was healing, in a way, as it allowed me to feel like I had been truly 'left alone' and able to make the decisions I needed to make.  Carrying to almost 41 weeks, and delivering an alert and healthy 8lb 14oz baby made that pregnancy and all the experiences I'd been through worth it.  It left me feeling amazed and empowered.  However, if I hadn't had the prior birthing experience that I did have, I may not have ever gotten to this point.  So, I wanted to go back and give the rest of the story. It starts in March of 2003.  Cranky Pirate and I were broke as all get out and were living with my parents.  We had no money and no insurance.  So, of course, that was the PERFECT time to become pregnant!  Being 22, in a small town, and being the first of my friends to have a baby, I had no idea what to expect.   Everyone I knew that did have a baby had delivered by c-section in a hospital because, well, thats just how doctors do here...they scheduled inductions and c-sections left and right, both for the families convenience and their own.  I picked one of these doctors, because I had no idea that I should look around.  My pregnancy was honestly very easy and uneventful.  At about 25 weeks, I wanted to switch doctors.  I couldn't put my finger on it, but I didn't want my ob to deliver my baby.  However, no other doctor in our town would take me without a letter and copy of the records from my provider.  I didn't know that I could advocate for myself...I had no idea that there was something better out there so shrugged it off.  Now, I was incredibly unhealthy throughout, and gained 60 lbs!!  I flew through easily, and, at about 35 weeks, my doctor started doing internal exams, and non stress tests.  I just figured this was all par for the course.  On December 8, 2003, I had my 38 week appointment.  I was examined and found to be 1cm dilated.  I now realize that this means nothing, really.  However, then, I was stoked!  I just KNEW that this was IT(even though I had yet to feel a contraction)!  Of course, it was nearing the holidays and I wasn't due until December 18.  My doctor would be on holiday then, so, I was sent straight from his office to the hospital to be induced.  He assured me that it would be easy since "i was already starting to go into labor".  When I got to the hospital, I was started on pitocin.  Worst.experience.ever.  At lunch, my doctor came by and broke my water, then had anesthesia come to my room to place an epidural.  The labor was a blur, I was miserable, the epidural only 'took' on one side, and the pitocin was being turned up every 15 minutes.  I was so happy when it was finally time to push, and, after a few pushes, my doctor told me he 'had' to do an episiotomy.  That was a huge mistake...The pitocin was still on, along with the epidural, and, due to the force with which I pushed my daughter out after having the episiotomy, I suffered from a 4th degree tear.  Afterwards, nurses cleaned her up, and my doctor began the arduous task of sewing me up.  It was horrible. After that I don't remember too much for a couple of days.  My blood pressure dropped to 40/20.  I was a wreck.  I wasn't offered a blood transfusion, my doctor was gone and Cranky Pirate nearly got arrested by bringing a doctor up from the ER to check me out.  Luckily, the doctor, nurses and police officer on duty in the ER knew my husband, and the officer actually told the nurses on the maternity ward that he, my husband, and the doctor were coming to my room.  That was the best thing ever.  I finally got proper medical attention!  Unfortunately, that was the only 'good' thing about the entire experience.  Due to the blood loss, anemia and stitches I was in absolute agony.  Little Valkyrie was taken to the nursery and kept away 'due to my condition'.  When they brought her back, along with a feeding log, she was in a horrible state.  She was very hungry, very unhappy, and wouldn't nurse.  Everyone talked about how natural breastfeeding was, so why wasn't this working!!  The nurses came back in, looked at the log, told me I was starving the baby and that they were putting her on formula in the nursery, 'just to help her settle'.  The lactation consultant at the hospital told me to just keep trying and gave me some pamphlets and nipple shields.  I didn't even see my doctor again until the day I was discharged.  Recovery was long and slow.  I was never able to get the hang of breastfeeding and stopped at 6 weeks.  The further away I got from the experience, the more I realized just how WRONG it all was, especially after talking to several other Mothers.  It took quite a while to get over.  In fact, for several years, I was terrified of falling pregnant!  I didn't want to be pregnant, because I didn't want to have to deliver a baby and risk going through all of that again.  Sadly, I don't even have any pictures of labor or delivery because things were so bad that there was no opportunity. 
      However, no birth control is perfect and in February of 2008, I was pregnant!  I was surprised by how excited I was at the prospect of another pregnancy.  I made an appointment with the doctor I wanted to switch to during my first pregnancy as she had a midwife and I was keen on that idea.  That turned out horribly.  at my 2 month appointment I took in a list of questions, because I had to make sure that this experience turned out MUCH better!  My biggest concern was that I would be delivered by a midwife.  She explained that that would not be the case.  She was, essentially, office backup.  She helped to prenatal care and routine care, but I needed to see the doctor, because she would probably be the one to deliver me.  Also, upon hearing my concerns, actually defended the doctor that nearly killed me 4 years prior.  "he's old, what did you expect?!" the midwife exclaimed!  Uh, I EXPECTED good care!  I grabbed my records, headed out and never looked back.  I looked around and made an appointment with an ob in the medical center in a much larger town.  I decided that I was finished risking my life and delivering in hospitals in the little town I live in.  I lucked out big time.  I found what has to be the best OB ever.  She was the most hands off ob I've ever met.  My pregnancy with Little Viking was difficult.  I was on bedrest for most of it and had several bouts of bleeding along with blood sugar issues.  At my 34 week appointment, I was found to be 3cm dilated.  I was shocked, but told that this was fine and I could carry several more weeks.  The next week, my doctor began stripping my membranes.  I have no idea why.  The nurse told me that, if I wasn't ready to go into labor, having my membranes stripped wouldn't cause it.  At my 37 week appointment, on October 27, 2008(come on, I couldn't have made it a few paltry more days until Halloween?!), I was found to be 7cm dilated.  I was also strep positive.  Therefore, I was staying!  I didn't feel I was in labor, but, while in testing, I started to feel unwell. Sure enough, I had gone into labor.  My experience was MUCH better than the first.   It was much calmer, and although I received an epidural, there was nothing else for quite a while.  Now, I was exhausted...I hadn't slept much the night before and I was STARVING as I hadn't eaten anything since early in the morning.  I consented to a small amount of pitocin and my body responded quickly.  I dilated to 10 and was told I could start pushing.  However, due to all the bedrest I'd been on, and the exhaustion of the day, I was too tired.  I had a vacuum delivery but was pleasantly surprised to find that I had a MUCH smaller tear than with my daughter.  Recovery was much quicker.  In fact, the next day, Cranky Pirate was shocked to find me having a shower on my own, and up and around easily.  However, once again, I was shocked that after all I had learned, breastfeeding was NOT working.  I saw two different lactation consultants in the hospital and even rented a pump, got an sns, the whole nine yards.  By 3 months, when I returned to work, I was only able to pump blood.  I got no milk.  I went to my family physician who was able to determine that I had horribly high TSH levels...my autoimmune thyroid disease was flaring up with a vengeance!  Every doctor I was seeing knew I had it...no one had followed up with testing and, the dosage of my medication was inadequate(to say the least)!  Along with terrible pain while trying to nurse, now my supply was completely dried up.  My family physician explained that it was due to the hormones.  I suffered from postpartum depression and was set on NEVER having another baby again, not because I was worried about delivering another baby, but because I was TERRIFIED of failing at breastfeeding.  I wondered what was so wrong with me that I couldn't nurse a baby.  
     When I became pregnant with Little Birdie, I was determined that I was going to turn every experience I had previously had on its ear.  My former ob was no longer delivering, so I was FORCED to find something better.  I saw 3 doctors in the span of a month.  The first one, I loved, however, her staff made me uneasy.  They were very unorganized and dismissive when I called for lab results to determine if this was a viable pregnancy. I switched to a second one who I never really liked.  She was ok enough at the first appointment, that I made a second appointment so that I would have backup if I couldn't find anything else in the meantime.  The second appointment was horrible.  I was pressured to have genetic testing, which I refused every time it was brought up.  I ask that it be noted that I didn't want it brought up again.  Then I was told to get undressed.  I told them I wouldn't get undressed because it wasn't necessary.  They asked me how they would do my std screen if I didn't get undressed.  I told them I wouldn't be having an std screen so it really didn't matter.  I was threatened and bullied by the doctor and the nurse to consent, but wouldn't.  The doctor made a tacky comment about how she would have to make notes and that when I delivered, the baby would be held from me until they could ensure that the baby was ok...which, of course, given my diet(she knew I ate raw cheeses, drank raw milk, took fermented cod liver oil) could take a VERY long time.  Thanks doc, and eat it!  I grabbed my chart and left.  I went to another practice that came very highly recommended.  I went and my first appointment was wonderful.  I saw a very kind, warm PA who was wonderful. She said everything looked wonderful and was very apologetic about my past experience while assuring me that the doctor I was there to see would be very accommodating to my wishes.  Fast forward two weeks and I met the doctor.  She was one of the most horrible, un-empowering, woman hating people I have ever met.  I'm assuming that her and my prior doctor knew each other, because I'm really hoping that there's no other way she would just be as mean as she was.  She told me that her patients 'don't go past 38 weeks and you'll get pitocin at the hospital so we need to come to an understanding about how things will go so that we don't have any conflict at the hospital.'.  I told here that there wouldn't be any conflict...nor would there be any pitocin.  That I don't HAVE to show up for an induction just because she schedules one.   She left the room and brought back a card for a group of midwives, told me that I would be better off there, and refused to schedule another appointment.  Honestly, I will be eternally grateful for that.  I had the best pregnancy, labor and delivery because I fought for myself and my baby to have the experience that we were entitled to.  My only issue...this time around, as with the others, breastfeeding was a struggle.  Once again, hospital lactation consultants failed me miserably.  However, thanks to a few special women, I KNOW why!  I finally know why!  My Little Birdie has a posterior tongue tie and a lip tie.  So does Little Viking...and Little Valkyrie.  Knowing this, I was motivated.  It would stretch out and I would heal and I knew that I could continue nursing her.  Because I knew that I could fight through this and do this the way that was best for US just as I had fought off all the doctors to have the delivery that we needed.  At one point, most of her food was via a bottle and, most of that was formula.  However, at 13 1/2 weeks old, she is down to only 6 oz of supplement a day, the rest is me!  I can come across as pushy so often because I tell women who are pregnant for the first time to PLEASE think about what they actually want and to be educated and informed about their labor, delivery, postpartum and breastfeeding choices and to have support lined out.  Don't go with the flow 'just because'.  However, don't try to do anything that is unsafe and would jeopardize the life of you or your baby.  Use your brain, use your mama instincts, and make a decision that is best for you and your baby.  Be your own fierce advocate and find care providers that will support that and NEVER give in to what someone else wants just to make their life easier.  This is not about them, not in a million years.  Do what is right for you and your baby.  Your baby deserves that/

Wordless Wednesday: There's only room for so much awesome!

See Y'all Tomorrow!

New Feature Time: Weekly Meal Plans

Alright, y'all!   As part of MY goal to get back to real foods and to get back in running form, I'm sharing my weekly meal plans, fitness goals(and accomplishments) and current training program.  Now, as everyone here knows by now, I'm a busy mom of 3.  I've got to come up with meals that will feed four hungry people(since Birdie only cares about what comes out of a boob or bottle and that will be it for at least the next 4 months!!) real, wholesome, nutritious food on a minimal budget.  Now, there's a LOT of debate out there and some Mama's are left feeling like they can't measure up so they throw in the towel and let their family eat whatever they like because of so much 'all or nothing' thinking.  This is not how it works at the Viking Homestead.  Every little change you can make is a step in the right direction.  You will NOT hear this Mama preach to you about how you need to go drop $300 a week at whole foods market(which, unfortunately, some foodie bloggers with 6 figure incomes might infer that, if you REALLY cared about your family, you would indeed do), as that is my food budget for 2 weeks!  That's right, at most, I can spend $150 a week to feed my family.  This amount might seem teeny to some and outrageous to others.  However, there are certain foods that most families would rely on to stretch their food budgets that are out of the question here.  Example:  Beans.  Cranky Pirate is allergic, so I don't bother buying them in bulk anymore.  I will buy a pound at the grocery store once in a while for the kids and I to eat, but I can't put them in main course dishes.  

Meal Plan 7/3-7/9

Breakfast:

• "cereal"(made from scratch.  Basically, just nuts, dried fruits, chia seeds and shredded coconut.  Mix it up, store it in a mason jar, and you have a healthy 'cereal' that can accommodate a wide range of palates and allergy issues)
• Fried Fruit and Homemade Yogurt
• This YUMMY grain free 10 minute peach cobbler from Wellness Mama
• Migas(a tex-mex staple) from the Homesick Texan
• Eggs with Bacon and Smoothies

Lunch:

• Leftovers
• Smoothies
• Stir Fry with Cauliflower Fried Rice
• Homemade "lunchables" made with various organic cheeses, meats, rice crackers, fruit, and gluten free tortillas

Dinner

• 7/3-BBQ Chicken Potatoes-Shredded roasted chicken with homemade barbecue sauce, served one baked potatoes with all the fixin's! I usually serve a salad alongside this to get all our veggies in.
• 7/4-Cheesy Dunkers-a favorite of my kiddos!  Grilled mozzarella cheese sandwiches(homemade gluten free bread, organic cheese), served with 'pizza soup'(homemade pizza sauce, applegate farms pepperoni, cheese on top).  So easy, and the kids love it so much they are actually quiet for a few minutes!
• 7/5-Chicken Stir Fry with Cauliflower Fried Rice
• 7/6-Grain Free Banana Pancakes served with Eggs and Bacon
• 7/7-Gluten Free pancakes with Eggs and Bacon
• 7/8-Roast Chicken with raw honey glazed carrots and root veg/cauliflower Mash
• 7/9-Beef Stir Fry with Cauliflower Fried Rice

Drinks on offer are always the same: Coffee, Tea and Water.  Snacks are cut up fruits and vegetables, and homemade yogurt or pudding pops.  Also, I will make a batch of no-bake granola bars, granola balls and chocolate covered raw cake balls every week or so for snacks or to grab on the go.  For the grocery trip to purchase the needs for this menu, I spent under $140.00.  

I'm also starting up running again.  I've run on and off for years!  I LOVE running but haven't done it seriously since I had my first child almost 9 years ago!!  Its time to change that.  So, I've registered for not 1, not 2, but 4(thats right 4!!) 5k's.  Its a good starting point and now I'm feeling more motivated than ever to get back in shape.  Now, when I was running, I never stopped at running to meet my fitness needs.  I also added in a good weight workout and pilates to build muscle and flexibility in addition to the endurance from running. That is the plan now.  Walking daily(gotta work my way back into running!), weights and pilates on alternating days.  Even if its only 15 minutes, its about little changes and building a HABIT of fitness.  I'm so excited about this new journey and can't wait to share more with you.  

Thankful Thursday: Little Birdie's Birth Story

Wearin' mah sunglasses...I'm THAT cool! ;)

4/4/12.  I had a midwife appointment that afternoon.  I woke up mid-morning after a restless night with very little sleep.  I was having contractions, but I'd been having prodromal labor for WEEKS so thought nothing of it.  I cooked breakfast and tried to clean the house since I knew my in-laws would be over that afternoon to watch the kiddos while I went to see my midwife.  I was especially keen to get all the laundry done, since we'd just gotten a new washer and dryer!  I spent the day doing laundry and laying in bed with the kiddos and talking on the phone with my best friend.  Cranky Pirate was helping out, as he'd taken off work the last few midwife appointments 'just in case'.   While on the phone, I started feeling unwell, thinking I had to use the toilet.  It turned out that it was just a bit of bloody show.  I wasn't too worried as I'd had that with my prior pregnancy and didn't deliver for another two weeks.  I was REALLY dreading this appointment and considered rescheduling it, because I was to have an NST and I knew that the 'induction' talk would probably come up.  However, Cranky Pirate had already taken the day off and the kiddos were taken care of, so I figured that, at the very least, we could go get some really yummy ice cream or something.  We left for the midwife around 1:15.  At some point during the drive, I noticed Cranky Pirate giving me a look.  I asked him what was wrong, and he said 'nothing, but you're in labor'.  I told him to stop being silly, cranked the ac down some more, and tried to readjust so I could get comfortable.  I couldn't. I wanted a tylenol and a hot shower.  I wanted to go to bed.  I wanted to go home.  We finally got to the midwives office and he parked at the hospital 'just in case'. I got out of the car and, as I stood up, just felt like I couldn't walk.  I wasn't too bothered as this had happened before.  The baby would drop and boy would I feel it!  I just assumed, being this late in the pregnancy, that it was par for the course.  However, I had to keep stopping....it took over 15 minutes to walk from the hospital to the elevator.  Its about a 5 minute walk tops, but I just had to keep stopping.  We finally got to the office and I found out there was a bit of a hold up for the ultrasound, so I told them I was going to go lay down on the couch by the midwives office.  The minute I got back there, the receptionist took one look at me and asked me how long I had been in labor.  I told her that I wasn't in labor, Cranky Pirate told her since 10pm the prior evening, a midwife came out, looked at me, and told me she needed to check me straight away.  I was utterly shocked to find out that I was dilated 7cm and completely effaced.  I had never really gone into labor on my own, so I was amazed to see that I had done it.  So, we slowly made our way back to the hospital where I spent about 30 minutes messing about texting people while waiting to get a room and meet the midwife on call.  I finally got a room and started talking with the midwife.  She wanted to have me on a monitor for about 15 minutes so I could get that out of the way and get into the tub. I was happy with my progress and I felt REALLY good.  Now, the nurses, after taking 10 tries to place a heplock were causing me to lose my focus, so I had them get someone to come in and place it because at this point, I NEEDED to get in the tub.  I went in and got in the shower while the water was running, keep remembering my breathing and all the positive stories I had heard about childbirth.  And then I got MAD!  Thats right, MAD!  See, in so many natural childbirth classes, no one talks about pain or anxiety or anything like that.  They avoid it, because fear causes tension and tension causes pain.  Well, I think talking about the pain and giving lots of advice and time to deal with it would be WAY better than telling me its just pressure and can be done with NO pain.  Yeah, my contractions were pressure the way a tornado is an air current! It wasn't so much the pressure, it was feeling my baby fully engage in my pelvis and, subsequently, feeling my pelvis spread apart.  That was the crazy part.  I was in the tub and the contractions were really beyond me at this point.  I remember sitting there, in the tub and I just started crying.  I was wondering just exactly what in the hell I had gotten myself into.  That there was NO way I could do this.  Then, my midwife came it.  She was wonderful.  She got me out of the tub, dried me off and just started talking to me.  I don't really remember most of what she said, but I remember telling her how scared and upset I was.  That I was in so much pain, that I couldn't take it and that I felt bad because I wasn't coping very well.  She told me that I was coping just fine, that childbirth did hurt, but that it was fine and that I just needed to have the baby.  I was worried that I wouldn't be far enough along, even though I was feeling pushy.  Well, I decided to get back on the bed and, sure enough, not only was I 10 cm, but the baby was coming and how.  My midwife offered to break my water, and I let her.  3 pushes later, at 5:43 pm, Little Birdie arrived earthside, caught by Cranky Pirate and my midwife, and placed on my chest.  She cried very little and was very alert.  It was all just very surreal.  I look at pictures and don't remember anything going on around me.  I had just done so many things that so many people had said I couldn't do.  I couldn't carry a baby to term.  I couldn't deliver without medication.  Oh yeah?  Watch me! ;)  It was beautiful and brutal and empowering and traumatic all at once.  It was amazing.  Little Birdie is now 10 1/2 weeks old.  In some ways I can't believe she's only been here 10 1/2 weeks.  Its like she's always been here.  On the other hand, I can't believe its been that long already.  I firmly believe that I'm given each child I have to learn a lesson from them, and I can't wait to see just exactly what Little Birdie has to teach me!  We are so well and truly blessed!

Yay, its another Wordless Wednesday

See Y'all Tomorrow! 

Its Time To Get Real

About food, that is!  Also, nutrition, fitness and my health in general.  I had let my health slide DURING my pregnancy with my first child.  I know, talk about a heck of a time to let it go.  However, I was young and listening to several people who were completely ignorant to the subject of nutrition, especially how nutrition during pregnancy can affect your labor and delivery and the health of your baby.  I ate with reckless abandon and gained 60 lbs!  Yes, that's right...no typo there.  60 pounds, or one Kate Moss.  My recovery was slow and difficult, and, my poor daughter was a miserable baby.  She had reflux and gained weight VERY slowly. I suffered from horribly low milk supply(I was pumping and ONLY ever got blood, no milk) so my daughter, who was already having a rough go, had to be switched to formula as this was several years ago...there was no facebook, no social networking and so, no information about donor milk or things like that. I had no idea that my diet could have affected things so drastically.  I assumed that this was just one of those things and went about my life with my bad habits.   Then, when my daughter was about 2, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Disease and PCOS.  I knew that something had to change.  I went to weight watchers and took medications prescribed by my doctor. The weight would fluctuate wildly.  I would alternate feeling great and feeling like hell.  During one of the periods when my weight was better, I became pregnant with my son.  I had a much more complicated pregnancy with my son and delivered him at 37 weeks.  It was a miserable pregnancy and, while my physical recovery was easier, I suffered from horrible postpartum depression.  Again, while I tried to breastfeed, I had no support and frequent pumping sessions again yielded only blood. About 4 months after giving birth, I saw my family doctor, who had done some blood work and felt that my thyroid hormones weren't being managed properly...my TSH was FAR too high and was probably what was causing my milk to dry up so quickly.  I was devastated.  My poor boy, who, at just 6 weeks of age was admitted to Children's Hospital, then suffered from a virus similar to RSV, and spent so much time sick, was not able to be breastfed, which is especially beneficial to babies prone to being sick.  I knew something had to give.  Several doctors wanted to start typical drugs for PCOS, mainly, Metformin.  I was NOT ok with this.  I was handed anti-inflammatory and diabetic diets...these diets just looked plain WRONG to me.  Why would any doctor hand me a diet recommending SOY?!  I have autoimmune thyroid disease and doctors were telling me to eat soy and LOTS of grains.  That artificial sweeteners were ok and to avoid strenuous exercises.  Then I found GOOD doctors.  One doctor piqued my interest when he mentioned that cutting grains(especially wheat) out of my diet would be FAR more beneficial for my health conditions than any medicine he could prescribe.  Another doctor ran tests and discovered that I had some vitamin deficiencies.  I was mildly overweight and had vitamin deficiencies, most notably, b-12 and D.  I was alternately appalled and amazed.  This was RIGHT before I became pregnant with #3.  Now, in that time I had started making some changes.  I had cut wheat out of my diet, gave up 'fake' foods: nothing low-fat or with artificial sweeteners.  I was eating butter, coconut oil, apple cider vinegar and taking a fermented cod liver oil/butter oil blend, as well as d-chiro inositol and heavy doses of probiotics.  Then, much to my surprise, I turned up pregnant.  And, amazingly, I felt much better this pregnancy.  I was tired but I managed much better and I carried MUCH longer than I ever had before!  I went two full weeks longer than I ever had before and gave birth to a baby that outweighed my others by 1 1/2 lbs!!  She was a completely different baby than I was used to.  Nursing has worked out better this time as well, however, due to her tongue and lip tie, she ended up dehydrated and my supply fell through the floor.  However, I was able to sort it out and start pumping and the older she gets, the better her latch is, so she is STILL nursing and getting breastmilk.  I had no issues with postpartum depression this time, just a minor return of anxiety attacks.  I DID start to notice though, a general funk through my house, and baby weight that won't go anywhere.  I was feeling the stress and the kids were acting horribly.  Then I came across this FASCINATING post over at Holistic Kid discussing the possibility of children being born with sugar sensitivities and some inherent behavior struggles that these kids may have!  This described my kids to a tee.  Then I realized that, from about 37 weeks pregnant, I really had just thrown in the towel.  I was lax about giving the kids their supplements.  We stopped going anywhere and I wasn't taking them out to play.  I was letting their grandparents take them out for fast food all.the.time.  Then the baby came and it didn't get any better.  After reading the post at Holistic Kid, I realized that I knew better and so I have to DO better.  Its time to clean up the diet, get back on the supplements, get active and get back on track.  SO, every week I will be posting meal plans, workout routines and progress reports!  Its always hard to get back on track after falling off, but now I've got a greater motivation than ever!!