|Little Viking's Arrival Earthside|
|It's just not Saturday without my Little Viking|
MY normally scheduled, interrupted Saturday! Or, well, I should clarify. When you are the wife of a commercial diver, there IS no normal and there is definitely no schedule. I try best as I can to keep a routine going for my kiddos, but sometimes it just all goes out the window. I've talked occasionally about Little Viking's behavioral problems before, but haven't gone in to great detail. Frankly, I could talk all day about it and still feel as though I haven't exhausted the depth and breadth of everything he struggles with. It was suggested, and we are now in the process of, having him evaluated for Asperger's syndrome. It's not the worst thing in the world, and I would, at this point, welcome the diagnosis so that we could start getting him the help that he needs to function socially. I rarely take him to new places because it is incredibly stressful on him and me. He reacts in ways that the general public just doesn't seem to understand. He will scream or growl or throw things or just shut down. Once he warms up or gets used to an environment, he's GREAT! Seriously, he's warm and sweet, although still a bit rambunctious. However, those first few times....ugh. I shudder as I type this, but sometimes I avoid new people and places because I am embarrassed of how he reacts. Yup...I said it. I get all insecure and embarrassed and so we just stay in our safe little bubble. Typical first time trips or meetings end in tears on all sides. Little Viking's main coping mechanism is throwing....everything. He's very strong and can lift much more than someone would expect a 4 year old boy to be able to pick up. Also, he doesn't get the whole 'personal space' thing, although I'm working with him on that. He can be overly rough, and I also shudder and sit on pins and needles while waiting for something to get thrown, broken(or both), or for someone to get hit(hopefully not by something getting thrown at them)! I just can't relax and usually spend the entire time mentally calculating the size of the check i'm going to have to write by the end of the visit.
While laying in bed nursing Birdie and trying to get Little Viking to settle in, he asked if he could play a game on my phone. I agreed, and set him up laying in bed with the baby and I, and decided to open up the ol' laptop and check my email and get some work done. I decided to also pull up Facebook and check out the happenings. And then I felt like the worst.mom.ever. I saw a status update from Julie at The Progressive Parent. It was one of those things that knocks the wind out of you and in one fell swoop burns through all the fluff so that you can see clearly all the things that truly matter. Her son....her 14 month old son, had passed away. Suddenly, Little Viking tossing grass and dirt onto another child, while certainly not ok, didn't seem to be such a huge deal anymore. Because, to fling dirt and grass on another child, or swing a broom around, or anything else that he was doing, it means that he is alive. That, for another day, he is mine and I'm blessed to call him as such. No matter how difficult things are, or how long and exhausting the days may be, this little soul has been entrusted to me. We'll navigate this together and figure it out, because we have to, because I want to, because he needs me to, and so long as I'm blessed to wake up and find him waiting for me at the foot of the bed ready for the day to begin, I'm going to try to make it a better day than the day before. Every day.
In My Weakness, He Is Strong.