Interrupting your normally scheduled Monday to share

Little Viking's Arrival Earthside

It's just not Saturday without my Little Viking

 MY normally scheduled, interrupted Saturday! Or, well, I should clarify. When you are the wife of a commercial diver, there IS no normal and there is definitely no schedule.  I try best as I can to keep a routine going for my kiddos, but sometimes it just all goes out the window.  I've talked occasionally about Little Viking's behavioral problems before, but haven't gone in to great detail.  Frankly, I could talk all day about it and still feel as though I haven't exhausted the depth and breadth of everything he struggles with.  It was suggested, and we are now in the process of, having him evaluated for Asperger's syndrome.  It's not the worst thing in the world, and I would, at this point, welcome the diagnosis so that we could start getting him the help that he needs to function socially.  I rarely take him to new places because it is incredibly stressful on him and me.  He reacts in ways that the general public just doesn't seem to understand.  He will scream or growl or throw things or just shut down.  Once he warms up or gets used to an environment, he's GREAT! Seriously, he's warm and sweet, although still a bit rambunctious.  However, those first few times....ugh.  I shudder as I type this, but sometimes I avoid new people and places because I am embarrassed of how he reacts.  Yup...I said it.  I get all insecure and embarrassed and so we just stay in our safe little bubble.  Typical first time trips or meetings end in tears on all sides.  Little Viking's main coping mechanism is throwing....everything.  He's very strong and can lift much more than someone would expect a 4 year old boy to be able to pick up.  Also, he doesn't get the whole 'personal space' thing, although I'm working with him on that.  He can be overly rough, and I also shudder and sit on pins and needles while waiting for something to get thrown, broken(or both), or for someone to get hit(hopefully not by something getting thrown at them)! I just can't relax and usually spend the entire time mentally calculating the size of the check i'm going to have to write by the end of the visit.  
     

Anywhoo, I've started rambling as I'm prone to do.  This past weekend, I knew that a friend of mine would be coming into town to visit a mutual friend.  She has a lovely daughter very close in age to my Baby Birdie, so we all planned to get together.  I wanted to see them all, and agreed, since Cranky Pirate was supposed to be in town and I had counted on him keeping Little Viking and Little Valkyrie so that I could just have a nice quiet visit and catch up, with only my nursling in tow.  Of course, since I actually made plans, things came up.  Work(which I am so VERY thankful for)came up for Cranky Pirate on Saturday morning so I had NO choice but to take all of the children along.  This in and of itself caused a massive amount of stress.  I was worried the visit would be a total disaster.  Well....there was bacon and eggs, so it wasn't a TOTAL disaster.  Little Valkyrie was her normal, charming self and everyone thought she was just wonderful.  Of course, she IS wonderful.  My Little Viking, however, bless his heart, was reacting much as I feared he would.  There was no stimming, which is HUGE, since this was a new environment and all new people.  However, soon there was screaming, throwing magnets onto the floor, invading personal space, banging things(like, ya know, a screwdriver on a bowl!), throwing things(to the tune of breaking a ceiling fan....how does that even happen?!), throwing the hosts sons toys over the fence, pulling up grass and dirt to throw at the other boys, and all out just going bat poo crazy.  Of course, Birdie had to get in on the mayhem and bop the other baby girl in the mouth.  Yeah....it was just, well, the hostess was lovely.  Seriously.  She was far more gracious about his behavior that I could have ever hoped for.  There was no judgement for the way he acted.  I was beyond mortified though.  Birdie nursed to sleep and I figured that was my cue to pack everyone up in the van and get the heck out of there.  I just wanted to get back home to my coffee, my jammies, and feed the kiddos and try as best I could to salvage the day since I still had grocery shopping to do.  I sent a quick text letting the hostess know that I would like her to let me know how much it would cost to fix the fan.  I'm used to this sort of thing and, obviously, feel that I should take care of such things.  She was even gracious in her response.  So, children, food and coffee in tow, we schlepped back to the house where I figured some quiet time was in order.

While laying in bed nursing Birdie and trying to get Little Viking to settle in, he asked if he could play a game on my phone.  I agreed, and set him up laying in bed with the baby and I, and decided to open up the ol' laptop and check my email and get some work done.  I decided to also pull up Facebook and check out the happenings.  And then I felt like the worst.mom.ever.  I saw a status update from Julie at The Progressive Parent.  It was one of those things that knocks the wind out of you and in one fell swoop burns through all the fluff so that you can see clearly all the things that truly matter.  Her son....her 14 month old son, had passed away.  Suddenly, Little Viking tossing grass and dirt onto another child, while certainly not ok, didn't seem to be such a huge deal anymore.  Because, to fling dirt and grass on another child, or swing a broom around, or anything else that he was doing, it means that he is alive.  That, for another day, he is mine and I'm blessed to call him as such.  No matter how difficult things are, or how long and exhausting the days may be, this little soul has been entrusted to me.  We'll navigate this together and figure it out, because we have to, because I want to, because he needs me to, and so long as I'm blessed to wake up and find him waiting for me at the foot of the bed ready for the day to begin, I'm going to try to make it a better day than the day before.  Every day.

In My Weakness, He Is Strong. 

Mama Viking