Raising Modest Daughters

Just bringing up the issue of modesty can REALLY bring up some strong emotions!  When it comes to modestly, I try to do what works for my family and not judge others.  I said 'try'.  Sometimes, I'm on the receiving end of the judging...I don't wear hair covernings and I'm ok with tank tops.  Some women feel convicted to only wear floor length skirts, head/hair coverings and also to keep at least their shoulders covered.  If that is what God has called them to do, then I'm respectful of them following the will of God in their lives.  However, I haven't been led down that path and I don't feel convicted to dress my daughter in that manner either.  So, I understand that modesty CAN be relative.  However, when I see girls running around attempting to be 'sexy' or trying to get attention with their bodies, I want to scream from the rooftops that these girls deserve better!  Toddlers and Tiaras anyone?!  These moms are ENCOURAGING their VERY young daughters and teaching them that they are ONLY valued for how much they can degrade themselves and 'sell' themselves.  I don't think outfits like that have a place on anyone, much less little girls.  When girls are getting their ideas of how to dress from Jersey Shore and get the impression that the more they can hide their intelligence and go out in public in little more than glorified knickers instead of proper clothing, its making it harder for women to raise their daughters to view themselves as a gift vs. a commodity.  Our daughters ARE gifts from God and its up to us Mamas to teach them that they ARE worthy and they ARE beautiful and that they deserve and should expect SO much more than what society says they deserve or should accept from men.  Modesty is NOT just in dress. Now, the guidelines I try to follow when getting dressed or when picking out clothing for my daughters are as follows: no shirts that are so low cut that you can see cleavage.  I don't really restrict tops or shirts, and I'm fine with tank tops, but if they are so low that you can see cleavage or not wear a bra without it showing, then its not appropriate.  When trying on a shirt, I bend over.  I'm always having to pick up a kid or my purse or something so I bend over to see if the shirt droops and would allow others to see down my shirt.  If so, then its back on the rack.  Now, as a girl who came of age in the time of grunge, I'm not terribly fond of showing TOO much skin anyhow.  I want to look like a lady, but don't need to show a lot of skin.  So, there's no length limit on dresses because I'm a HUGE fan of leggings or jeans under dresses and skirts.  Dress too short?  No problem!  Hem it a little shorter and you have a nice LONG shirt to wear with your jeans.  The only real rule I have when it comes to that is that if you're wearing leggings under the dress or skirt, then the skirt can be no shorter than the middle of your thighs.  As far as skirts go, I prefer maxi length skirts because these are just easier to deal with in general, especially in the summer!  They are lightweight, modest, and quite frankly, mean that I don't have to shave daily.  Aside from that, for myself and my daughter I keep our appearance simple in regards to hair and makeup.  Of course, we pay attention to our hygeine, but Little Valkyrie is FAR too young for any makeup other than lipgloss.  As far as her hair goes, she likes to have it curled or ironed so I will indulge her that little bit.  Especially the ironing!  With her thick hair, I can iron it and acutally have her hair stay manageable for a couple of days.  For myself, makeup is minimal if at all.  I'm a big subscriber to doing it only for myself to make me feel a little perkier and prettier, but that it has to be natural looking.  If i'm to receive a compliment, I want it to be about me, not about my makeup.  I keep my hair simple as well, and usually keep it pulled back.  Aside from this, I want to model for my daughter that yes, modesty is SO much more than outward appearance.  You could be covered from head to toe and still be an immodest person.  If your body language or words are trying to attract negative attention, or if you are making a point to go out in mixed company and act in a manner that is going to make you come across as a total skank, it doesn't matter HOW covered up you are.  Those coverings can't hide who you really are.  Modesty is much more a heart issue than an appearance issue.  There are LOADS of great resources out there that also address this issue.  This GREAT post from Raising Homemakers is a very informative post on raising daughters to be modest. Also, this post from Generation Cedar andthis post from Raising Godly Children which applies not only to modesty, but to the task of raising daughters in general.  Its not an easy task we are charged with when we are called to raise daughters and it is not a call to take lightly.  However, God will not give us more than we can handle and, blessedly, God does NOT expect perfection when it comes to raising our children.  We will make mistakes, thats a given.  However, for my, my first and foremost priority is to raise children to love the Lord ahead of everything else.  While I'm fostering their relationships with God, I can use that as a means to explain the 'whys' in relation to scripture.  Its made it much easier to explain modesty to my daughter, in addition to other, more sensitive, topics.  I don't know exactly what God has in store for me as a parent or for Little Valkyrie but he brought us to the point, and He will convict and lead us and change our hearts so that we can each become the women He wants us to be.  For today, that's all the reassurance I need.