Mourning March 31st

I should start by saying that, in all honesty, this is really a big 'ol pity party!  Really.  Nothing particularly wrong is going on, nor do I have anything to mourn over.  However, for me, March 31 signifies SO many things I will be saying goodbye to as this chapter in my life comes to a close.  March 31 is my due date.  At some point around then(give or take a couple of weeks) I will welcome a new, beautiful little girl into my world.  I'm ready to meet her and see her face and start my crazy, beautiful, slightly scary life as a mom of 3!  However, once that day comes, there are things I will have to come to terms with.  One is that this is my last pregnancy.  Part of me feels like I haven't enjoyed it enough, but part of me knows that I wouldn't revel in another pregnancy any more than I have in this one.  I have children to raise and life to get on with, so, I just have to enjoy it the best I can and take it day by day.  Also,  while I have a great support system in place so I can nurse this baby, it saddens me that this will be the only time I do this.  That while I can nurse this baby, there won't be another after her to nurse.  While that might seem a bit of a silly reason to consider having another baby, other mama's will completely relate.  Its a lot like having children in general.  It can be a pain, and totally inconvenient and by the time you think you've got the hang of it, they are out of the house and you're wondering where in the heck the time went.  Of course, so much goes back to having Little Valkyrie when I was so young.  I was totally ignorant and completely uninformed and it took me quite a bit of time to recover from the pregnancy and crazy postpartum issues that followed.  Now, you can't go back and change the past.  Nothing I do now will put a band aid on issues stemming from that.  With each pregnancy, though, I find myself wanting to do things a little differently and hoping that at least I can feel better about doing what I know is best with the information I have at the time.  Also, being able to lay about in the evening and feel this baby move...I always dread the first postpartum shower when the baby isn't there and my beautiful bump has been replaced with something that most closely resembles the effect of someone having put a king size sheet on a twin size bed.  And bringing home another baby when Little Viking is still My baby....well, that part will sort itself out, but it has kept me up a few nights wondering how he will take the change.  It goes without saying that potty training and giving up the sippy cup have fallen by the wayside as he has noticed all the changes going on.  Now, onto the two, totally crazy things that I ALWAYS wanted to do while I was pregnant, but never did and now, never will.  First, I have always wanted to swim with dolphins while I was pregnant.  Don't ask why...can't really explain it.  I just always have.  For whatever reason it never happened and now, at this point, its really too late for it to happen so, this is it.   Second, and stay with me on this one, I always wanted to get married while I was pregnant.  Pregnant brides are adorable and its always just the most wonderful thing to see.  Now, I don't mean shotgun weddings where teenagers are only getting married because the girl got pregnant.  No, I mean two people who were going to get married anyhow and just happened to get pregnant before the wedding date.  A bride with a bump is a beautiful thing.  I always wanted to be one.  Obviously, that is not going to be happening here.  Of course, none of this will matter when the baby arrives.  I'll jump into the deep end of the pool and go about the wonderful task of getting to know her and all of this won't matter in the least.  For today, though, it does matter, but for today, while I may be mourning all the things i'm 'losing', I have some wonderful things to be thankful for!