Thankful Thursday: A working computer! :P

Hurrah!! I'm back! Yes, after a partially intentional, partially technological break, I'm back to the internet and back to the bloggy world!  There's SO much that has gone on and is going on in the Viking household!  I'm so glad to be back to share it with all of you, and mostly so I can get back to the therapy of writing(verbally dry heaving)! Ah, it's so good to be back! :)

Going back: The birth stories of Little Viking and Little Valkyrie

My Little Viking! 

So, I've shared the birth story of Little Birdie.  Her birth was, by far, my most wonderful childbirth experience.  It was healing, in a way, as it allowed me to feel like I had been truly 'left alone' and able to make the decisions I needed to make.  Carrying to almost 41 weeks, and delivering an alert and healthy 8lb 14oz baby made that pregnancy and all the experiences I'd been through worth it.  It left me feeling amazed and empowered.  However, if I hadn't had the prior birthing experience that I did have, I may not have ever gotten to this point.  So, I wanted to go back and give the rest of the story. It starts in March of 2003.  Cranky Pirate and I were broke as all get out and were living with my parents.  We had no money and no insurance.  So, of course, that was the PERFECT time to become pregnant!  Being 22, in a small town, and being the first of my friends to have a baby, I had no idea what to expect.   Everyone I knew that did have a baby had delivered by c-section in a hospital because, well, thats just how doctors do here...they scheduled inductions and c-sections left and right, both for the families convenience and their own.  I picked one of these doctors, because I had no idea that I should look around.  My pregnancy was honestly very easy and uneventful.  At about 25 weeks, I wanted to switch doctors.  I couldn't put my finger on it, but I didn't want my ob to deliver my baby.  However, no other doctor in our town would take me without a letter and copy of the records from my provider.  I didn't know that I could advocate for myself...I had no idea that there was something better out there so shrugged it off.  Now, I was incredibly unhealthy throughout, and gained 60 lbs!!  I flew through easily, and, at about 35 weeks, my doctor started doing internal exams, and non stress tests.  I just figured this was all par for the course.  On December 8, 2003, I had my 38 week appointment.  I was examined and found to be 1cm dilated.  I now realize that this means nothing, really.  However, then, I was stoked!  I just KNEW that this was IT(even though I had yet to feel a contraction)!  Of course, it was nearing the holidays and I wasn't due until December 18.  My doctor would be on holiday then, so, I was sent straight from his office to the hospital to be induced.  He assured me that it would be easy since "i was already starting to go into labor".  When I got to the hospital, I was started on pitocin.  Worst.experience.ever.  At lunch, my doctor came by and broke my water, then had anesthesia come to my room to place an epidural.  The labor was a blur, I was miserable, the epidural only 'took' on one side, and the pitocin was being turned up every 15 minutes.  I was so happy when it was finally time to push, and, after a few pushes, my doctor told me he 'had' to do an episiotomy.  That was a huge mistake...The pitocin was still on, along with the epidural, and, due to the force with which I pushed my daughter out after having the episiotomy, I suffered from a 4th degree tear.  Afterwards, nurses cleaned her up, and my doctor began the arduous task of sewing me up.  It was horrible. After that I don't remember too much for a couple of days.  My blood pressure dropped to 40/20.  I was a wreck.  I wasn't offered a blood transfusion, my doctor was gone and Cranky Pirate nearly got arrested by bringing a doctor up from the ER to check me out.  Luckily, the doctor, nurses and police officer on duty in the ER knew my husband, and the officer actually told the nurses on the maternity ward that he, my husband, and the doctor were coming to my room.  That was the best thing ever.  I finally got proper medical attention!  Unfortunately, that was the only 'good' thing about the entire experience.  Due to the blood loss, anemia and stitches I was in absolute agony.  Little Valkyrie was taken to the nursery and kept away 'due to my condition'.  When they brought her back, along with a feeding log, she was in a horrible state.  She was very hungry, very unhappy, and wouldn't nurse.  Everyone talked about how natural breastfeeding was, so why wasn't this working!!  The nurses came back in, looked at the log, told me I was starving the baby and that they were putting her on formula in the nursery, 'just to help her settle'.  The lactation consultant at the hospital told me to just keep trying and gave me some pamphlets and nipple shields.  I didn't even see my doctor again until the day I was discharged.  Recovery was long and slow.  I was never able to get the hang of breastfeeding and stopped at 6 weeks.  The further away I got from the experience, the more I realized just how WRONG it all was, especially after talking to several other Mothers.  It took quite a while to get over.  In fact, for several years, I was terrified of falling pregnant!  I didn't want to be pregnant, because I didn't want to have to deliver a baby and risk going through all of that again.  Sadly, I don't even have any pictures of labor or delivery because things were so bad that there was no opportunity. 
      However, no birth control is perfect and in February of 2008, I was pregnant!  I was surprised by how excited I was at the prospect of another pregnancy.  I made an appointment with the doctor I wanted to switch to during my first pregnancy as she had a midwife and I was keen on that idea.  That turned out horribly.  at my 2 month appointment I took in a list of questions, because I had to make sure that this experience turned out MUCH better!  My biggest concern was that I would be delivered by a midwife.  She explained that that would not be the case.  She was, essentially, office backup.  She helped to prenatal care and routine care, but I needed to see the doctor, because she would probably be the one to deliver me.  Also, upon hearing my concerns, actually defended the doctor that nearly killed me 4 years prior.  "he's old, what did you expect?!" the midwife exclaimed!  Uh, I EXPECTED good care!  I grabbed my records, headed out and never looked back.  I looked around and made an appointment with an ob in the medical center in a much larger town.  I decided that I was finished risking my life and delivering in hospitals in the little town I live in.  I lucked out big time.  I found what has to be the best OB ever.  She was the most hands off ob I've ever met.  My pregnancy with Little Viking was difficult.  I was on bedrest for most of it and had several bouts of bleeding along with blood sugar issues.  At my 34 week appointment, I was found to be 3cm dilated.  I was shocked, but told that this was fine and I could carry several more weeks.  The next week, my doctor began stripping my membranes.  I have no idea why.  The nurse told me that, if I wasn't ready to go into labor, having my membranes stripped wouldn't cause it.  At my 37 week appointment, on October 27, 2008(come on, I couldn't have made it a few paltry more days until Halloween?!), I was found to be 7cm dilated.  I was also strep positive.  Therefore, I was staying!  I didn't feel I was in labor, but, while in testing, I started to feel unwell. Sure enough, I had gone into labor.  My experience was MUCH better than the first.   It was much calmer, and although I received an epidural, there was nothing else for quite a while.  Now, I was exhausted...I hadn't slept much the night before and I was STARVING as I hadn't eaten anything since early in the morning.  I consented to a small amount of pitocin and my body responded quickly.  I dilated to 10 and was told I could start pushing.  However, due to all the bedrest I'd been on, and the exhaustion of the day, I was too tired.  I had a vacuum delivery but was pleasantly surprised to find that I had a MUCH smaller tear than with my daughter.  Recovery was much quicker.  In fact, the next day, Cranky Pirate was shocked to find me having a shower on my own, and up and around easily.  However, once again, I was shocked that after all I had learned, breastfeeding was NOT working.  I saw two different lactation consultants in the hospital and even rented a pump, got an sns, the whole nine yards.  By 3 months, when I returned to work, I was only able to pump blood.  I got no milk.  I went to my family physician who was able to determine that I had horribly high TSH levels...my autoimmune thyroid disease was flaring up with a vengeance!  Every doctor I was seeing knew I had it...no one had followed up with testing and, the dosage of my medication was inadequate(to say the least)!  Along with terrible pain while trying to nurse, now my supply was completely dried up.  My family physician explained that it was due to the hormones.  I suffered from postpartum depression and was set on NEVER having another baby again, not because I was worried about delivering another baby, but because I was TERRIFIED of failing at breastfeeding.  I wondered what was so wrong with me that I couldn't nurse a baby.  
     When I became pregnant with Little Birdie, I was determined that I was going to turn every experience I had previously had on its ear.  My former ob was no longer delivering, so I was FORCED to find something better.  I saw 3 doctors in the span of a month.  The first one, I loved, however, her staff made me uneasy.  They were very unorganized and dismissive when I called for lab results to determine if this was a viable pregnancy. I switched to a second one who I never really liked.  She was ok enough at the first appointment, that I made a second appointment so that I would have backup if I couldn't find anything else in the meantime.  The second appointment was horrible.  I was pressured to have genetic testing, which I refused every time it was brought up.  I ask that it be noted that I didn't want it brought up again.  Then I was told to get undressed.  I told them I wouldn't get undressed because it wasn't necessary.  They asked me how they would do my std screen if I didn't get undressed.  I told them I wouldn't be having an std screen so it really didn't matter.  I was threatened and bullied by the doctor and the nurse to consent, but wouldn't.  The doctor made a tacky comment about how she would have to make notes and that when I delivered, the baby would be held from me until they could ensure that the baby was ok...which, of course, given my diet(she knew I ate raw cheeses, drank raw milk, took fermented cod liver oil) could take a VERY long time.  Thanks doc, and eat it!  I grabbed my chart and left.  I went to another practice that came very highly recommended.  I went and my first appointment was wonderful.  I saw a very kind, warm PA who was wonderful. She said everything looked wonderful and was very apologetic about my past experience while assuring me that the doctor I was there to see would be very accommodating to my wishes.  Fast forward two weeks and I met the doctor.  She was one of the most horrible, un-empowering, woman hating people I have ever met.  I'm assuming that her and my prior doctor knew each other, because I'm really hoping that there's no other way she would just be as mean as she was.  She told me that her patients 'don't go past 38 weeks and you'll get pitocin at the hospital so we need to come to an understanding about how things will go so that we don't have any conflict at the hospital.'.  I told here that there wouldn't be any conflict...nor would there be any pitocin.  That I don't HAVE to show up for an induction just because she schedules one.   She left the room and brought back a card for a group of midwives, told me that I would be better off there, and refused to schedule another appointment.  Honestly, I will be eternally grateful for that.  I had the best pregnancy, labor and delivery because I fought for myself and my baby to have the experience that we were entitled to.  My only issue...this time around, as with the others, breastfeeding was a struggle.  Once again, hospital lactation consultants failed me miserably.  However, thanks to a few special women, I KNOW why!  I finally know why!  My Little Birdie has a posterior tongue tie and a lip tie.  So does Little Viking...and Little Valkyrie.  Knowing this, I was motivated.  It would stretch out and I would heal and I knew that I could continue nursing her.  Because I knew that I could fight through this and do this the way that was best for US just as I had fought off all the doctors to have the delivery that we needed.  At one point, most of her food was via a bottle and, most of that was formula.  However, at 13 1/2 weeks old, she is down to only 6 oz of supplement a day, the rest is me!  I can come across as pushy so often because I tell women who are pregnant for the first time to PLEASE think about what they actually want and to be educated and informed about their labor, delivery, postpartum and breastfeeding choices and to have support lined out.  Don't go with the flow 'just because'.  However, don't try to do anything that is unsafe and would jeopardize the life of you or your baby.  Use your brain, use your mama instincts, and make a decision that is best for you and your baby.  Be your own fierce advocate and find care providers that will support that and NEVER give in to what someone else wants just to make their life easier.  This is not about them, not in a million years.  Do what is right for you and your baby.  Your baby deserves that/

Wordless Wednesday: There's only room for so much awesome!

See Y'all Tomorrow!

New Feature Time: Weekly Meal Plans

Alright, y'all!   As part of MY goal to get back to real foods and to get back in running form, I'm sharing my weekly meal plans, fitness goals(and accomplishments) and current training program.  Now, as everyone here knows by now, I'm a busy mom of 3.  I've got to come up with meals that will feed four hungry people(since Birdie only cares about what comes out of a boob or bottle and that will be it for at least the next 4 months!!) real, wholesome, nutritious food on a minimal budget.  Now, there's a LOT of debate out there and some Mama's are left feeling like they can't measure up so they throw in the towel and let their family eat whatever they like because of so much 'all or nothing' thinking.  This is not how it works at the Viking Homestead.  Every little change you can make is a step in the right direction.  You will NOT hear this Mama preach to you about how you need to go drop $300 a week at whole foods market(which, unfortunately, some foodie bloggers with 6 figure incomes might infer that, if you REALLY cared about your family, you would indeed do), as that is my food budget for 2 weeks!  That's right, at most, I can spend $150 a week to feed my family.  This amount might seem teeny to some and outrageous to others.  However, there are certain foods that most families would rely on to stretch their food budgets that are out of the question here.  Example:  Beans.  Cranky Pirate is allergic, so I don't bother buying them in bulk anymore.  I will buy a pound at the grocery store once in a while for the kids and I to eat, but I can't put them in main course dishes.  

Meal Plan 7/3-7/9

Breakfast:

• "cereal"(made from scratch.  Basically, just nuts, dried fruits, chia seeds and shredded coconut.  Mix it up, store it in a mason jar, and you have a healthy 'cereal' that can accommodate a wide range of palates and allergy issues)
• Fried Fruit and Homemade Yogurt
• This YUMMY grain free 10 minute peach cobbler from Wellness Mama
• Migas(a tex-mex staple) from the Homesick Texan
• Eggs with Bacon and Smoothies

Lunch:

• Leftovers
• Smoothies
• Stir Fry with Cauliflower Fried Rice
• Homemade "lunchables" made with various organic cheeses, meats, rice crackers, fruit, and gluten free tortillas

Dinner

• 7/3-BBQ Chicken Potatoes-Shredded roasted chicken with homemade barbecue sauce, served one baked potatoes with all the fixin's! I usually serve a salad alongside this to get all our veggies in.
• 7/4-Cheesy Dunkers-a favorite of my kiddos!  Grilled mozzarella cheese sandwiches(homemade gluten free bread, organic cheese), served with 'pizza soup'(homemade pizza sauce, applegate farms pepperoni, cheese on top).  So easy, and the kids love it so much they are actually quiet for a few minutes!
• 7/5-Chicken Stir Fry with Cauliflower Fried Rice
• 7/6-Grain Free Banana Pancakes served with Eggs and Bacon
• 7/7-Gluten Free pancakes with Eggs and Bacon
• 7/8-Roast Chicken with raw honey glazed carrots and root veg/cauliflower Mash
• 7/9-Beef Stir Fry with Cauliflower Fried Rice

Drinks on offer are always the same: Coffee, Tea and Water.  Snacks are cut up fruits and vegetables, and homemade yogurt or pudding pops.  Also, I will make a batch of no-bake granola bars, granola balls and chocolate covered raw cake balls every week or so for snacks or to grab on the go.  For the grocery trip to purchase the needs for this menu, I spent under $140.00.  

I'm also starting up running again.  I've run on and off for years!  I LOVE running but haven't done it seriously since I had my first child almost 9 years ago!!  Its time to change that.  So, I've registered for not 1, not 2, but 4(thats right 4!!) 5k's.  Its a good starting point and now I'm feeling more motivated than ever to get back in shape.  Now, when I was running, I never stopped at running to meet my fitness needs.  I also added in a good weight workout and pilates to build muscle and flexibility in addition to the endurance from running. That is the plan now.  Walking daily(gotta work my way back into running!), weights and pilates on alternating days.  Even if its only 15 minutes, its about little changes and building a HABIT of fitness.  I'm so excited about this new journey and can't wait to share more with you.  

Thankful Thursday: Little Birdie's Birth Story

Wearin' mah sunglasses...I'm THAT cool! ;)

4/4/12.  I had a midwife appointment that afternoon.  I woke up mid-morning after a restless night with very little sleep.  I was having contractions, but I'd been having prodromal labor for WEEKS so thought nothing of it.  I cooked breakfast and tried to clean the house since I knew my in-laws would be over that afternoon to watch the kiddos while I went to see my midwife.  I was especially keen to get all the laundry done, since we'd just gotten a new washer and dryer!  I spent the day doing laundry and laying in bed with the kiddos and talking on the phone with my best friend.  Cranky Pirate was helping out, as he'd taken off work the last few midwife appointments 'just in case'.   While on the phone, I started feeling unwell, thinking I had to use the toilet.  It turned out that it was just a bit of bloody show.  I wasn't too worried as I'd had that with my prior pregnancy and didn't deliver for another two weeks.  I was REALLY dreading this appointment and considered rescheduling it, because I was to have an NST and I knew that the 'induction' talk would probably come up.  However, Cranky Pirate had already taken the day off and the kiddos were taken care of, so I figured that, at the very least, we could go get some really yummy ice cream or something.  We left for the midwife around 1:15.  At some point during the drive, I noticed Cranky Pirate giving me a look.  I asked him what was wrong, and he said 'nothing, but you're in labor'.  I told him to stop being silly, cranked the ac down some more, and tried to readjust so I could get comfortable.  I couldn't. I wanted a tylenol and a hot shower.  I wanted to go to bed.  I wanted to go home.  We finally got to the midwives office and he parked at the hospital 'just in case'. I got out of the car and, as I stood up, just felt like I couldn't walk.  I wasn't too bothered as this had happened before.  The baby would drop and boy would I feel it!  I just assumed, being this late in the pregnancy, that it was par for the course.  However, I had to keep stopping....it took over 15 minutes to walk from the hospital to the elevator.  Its about a 5 minute walk tops, but I just had to keep stopping.  We finally got to the office and I found out there was a bit of a hold up for the ultrasound, so I told them I was going to go lay down on the couch by the midwives office.  The minute I got back there, the receptionist took one look at me and asked me how long I had been in labor.  I told her that I wasn't in labor, Cranky Pirate told her since 10pm the prior evening, a midwife came out, looked at me, and told me she needed to check me straight away.  I was utterly shocked to find out that I was dilated 7cm and completely effaced.  I had never really gone into labor on my own, so I was amazed to see that I had done it.  So, we slowly made our way back to the hospital where I spent about 30 minutes messing about texting people while waiting to get a room and meet the midwife on call.  I finally got a room and started talking with the midwife.  She wanted to have me on a monitor for about 15 minutes so I could get that out of the way and get into the tub. I was happy with my progress and I felt REALLY good.  Now, the nurses, after taking 10 tries to place a heplock were causing me to lose my focus, so I had them get someone to come in and place it because at this point, I NEEDED to get in the tub.  I went in and got in the shower while the water was running, keep remembering my breathing and all the positive stories I had heard about childbirth.  And then I got MAD!  Thats right, MAD!  See, in so many natural childbirth classes, no one talks about pain or anxiety or anything like that.  They avoid it, because fear causes tension and tension causes pain.  Well, I think talking about the pain and giving lots of advice and time to deal with it would be WAY better than telling me its just pressure and can be done with NO pain.  Yeah, my contractions were pressure the way a tornado is an air current! It wasn't so much the pressure, it was feeling my baby fully engage in my pelvis and, subsequently, feeling my pelvis spread apart.  That was the crazy part.  I was in the tub and the contractions were really beyond me at this point.  I remember sitting there, in the tub and I just started crying.  I was wondering just exactly what in the hell I had gotten myself into.  That there was NO way I could do this.  Then, my midwife came it.  She was wonderful.  She got me out of the tub, dried me off and just started talking to me.  I don't really remember most of what she said, but I remember telling her how scared and upset I was.  That I was in so much pain, that I couldn't take it and that I felt bad because I wasn't coping very well.  She told me that I was coping just fine, that childbirth did hurt, but that it was fine and that I just needed to have the baby.  I was worried that I wouldn't be far enough along, even though I was feeling pushy.  Well, I decided to get back on the bed and, sure enough, not only was I 10 cm, but the baby was coming and how.  My midwife offered to break my water, and I let her.  3 pushes later, at 5:43 pm, Little Birdie arrived earthside, caught by Cranky Pirate and my midwife, and placed on my chest.  She cried very little and was very alert.  It was all just very surreal.  I look at pictures and don't remember anything going on around me.  I had just done so many things that so many people had said I couldn't do.  I couldn't carry a baby to term.  I couldn't deliver without medication.  Oh yeah?  Watch me! ;)  It was beautiful and brutal and empowering and traumatic all at once.  It was amazing.  Little Birdie is now 10 1/2 weeks old.  In some ways I can't believe she's only been here 10 1/2 weeks.  Its like she's always been here.  On the other hand, I can't believe its been that long already.  I firmly believe that I'm given each child I have to learn a lesson from them, and I can't wait to see just exactly what Little Birdie has to teach me!  We are so well and truly blessed!

Yay, its another Wordless Wednesday

See Y'all Tomorrow! 

Its Time To Get Real

About food, that is!  Also, nutrition, fitness and my health in general.  I had let my health slide DURING my pregnancy with my first child.  I know, talk about a heck of a time to let it go.  However, I was young and listening to several people who were completely ignorant to the subject of nutrition, especially how nutrition during pregnancy can affect your labor and delivery and the health of your baby.  I ate with reckless abandon and gained 60 lbs!  Yes, that's right...no typo there.  60 pounds, or one Kate Moss.  My recovery was slow and difficult, and, my poor daughter was a miserable baby.  She had reflux and gained weight VERY slowly. I suffered from horribly low milk supply(I was pumping and ONLY ever got blood, no milk) so my daughter, who was already having a rough go, had to be switched to formula as this was several years ago...there was no facebook, no social networking and so, no information about donor milk or things like that. I had no idea that my diet could have affected things so drastically.  I assumed that this was just one of those things and went about my life with my bad habits.   Then, when my daughter was about 2, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Disease and PCOS.  I knew that something had to change.  I went to weight watchers and took medications prescribed by my doctor. The weight would fluctuate wildly.  I would alternate feeling great and feeling like hell.  During one of the periods when my weight was better, I became pregnant with my son.  I had a much more complicated pregnancy with my son and delivered him at 37 weeks.  It was a miserable pregnancy and, while my physical recovery was easier, I suffered from horrible postpartum depression.  Again, while I tried to breastfeed, I had no support and frequent pumping sessions again yielded only blood. About 4 months after giving birth, I saw my family doctor, who had done some blood work and felt that my thyroid hormones weren't being managed properly...my TSH was FAR too high and was probably what was causing my milk to dry up so quickly.  I was devastated.  My poor boy, who, at just 6 weeks of age was admitted to Children's Hospital, then suffered from a virus similar to RSV, and spent so much time sick, was not able to be breastfed, which is especially beneficial to babies prone to being sick.  I knew something had to give.  Several doctors wanted to start typical drugs for PCOS, mainly, Metformin.  I was NOT ok with this.  I was handed anti-inflammatory and diabetic diets...these diets just looked plain WRONG to me.  Why would any doctor hand me a diet recommending SOY?!  I have autoimmune thyroid disease and doctors were telling me to eat soy and LOTS of grains.  That artificial sweeteners were ok and to avoid strenuous exercises.  Then I found GOOD doctors.  One doctor piqued my interest when he mentioned that cutting grains(especially wheat) out of my diet would be FAR more beneficial for my health conditions than any medicine he could prescribe.  Another doctor ran tests and discovered that I had some vitamin deficiencies.  I was mildly overweight and had vitamin deficiencies, most notably, b-12 and D.  I was alternately appalled and amazed.  This was RIGHT before I became pregnant with #3.  Now, in that time I had started making some changes.  I had cut wheat out of my diet, gave up 'fake' foods: nothing low-fat or with artificial sweeteners.  I was eating butter, coconut oil, apple cider vinegar and taking a fermented cod liver oil/butter oil blend, as well as d-chiro inositol and heavy doses of probiotics.  Then, much to my surprise, I turned up pregnant.  And, amazingly, I felt much better this pregnancy.  I was tired but I managed much better and I carried MUCH longer than I ever had before!  I went two full weeks longer than I ever had before and gave birth to a baby that outweighed my others by 1 1/2 lbs!!  She was a completely different baby than I was used to.  Nursing has worked out better this time as well, however, due to her tongue and lip tie, she ended up dehydrated and my supply fell through the floor.  However, I was able to sort it out and start pumping and the older she gets, the better her latch is, so she is STILL nursing and getting breastmilk.  I had no issues with postpartum depression this time, just a minor return of anxiety attacks.  I DID start to notice though, a general funk through my house, and baby weight that won't go anywhere.  I was feeling the stress and the kids were acting horribly.  Then I came across this FASCINATING post over at Holistic Kid discussing the possibility of children being born with sugar sensitivities and some inherent behavior struggles that these kids may have!  This described my kids to a tee.  Then I realized that, from about 37 weeks pregnant, I really had just thrown in the towel.  I was lax about giving the kids their supplements.  We stopped going anywhere and I wasn't taking them out to play.  I was letting their grandparents take them out for fast food all.the.time.  Then the baby came and it didn't get any better.  After reading the post at Holistic Kid, I realized that I knew better and so I have to DO better.  Its time to clean up the diet, get back on the supplements, get active and get back on track.  SO, every week I will be posting meal plans, workout routines and progress reports!  Its always hard to get back on track after falling off, but now I've got a greater motivation than ever!!